December 2013

Merry Christmas to you! It's difficult to know even where to begin our Christmas letter this year. Two thousand thirteen has been a big year to be sure!

Our biggest and most recent news is that we're moving. Hopefully that won't come as a complete surprise to most of you, but if it does don't worry, it shocked us too! Jim was let go from his job at the end of October. Things had been pretty stressful there for a few months with the firing of his boss and a few other employees in the weeks that followed, often leaving Jim to pick up the slack for several positions in addition to covering his own. Given all that Jim was doing, we definitely didn't see the pink slip coming. He was told, "nothing personal", but the new Service Manager wanted to put together his own team (AKA hire his buddy for Jim's job). Through a business associate and friend, he was led to a job opportunity in Mankato, MN. One week from the date Jim lost his job, he interviewed for the Service Manager position and two weeks after that, accepted their offer. We sold our home before it even listed, spent two whirlwind weeks going back to Mankato a total of four times to house hunt and put in an offer on a great home in Madison Lake. Some of the things we like best about this home are: a.) it has 5 bedrooms (enough space for guests, hint, hint!), b.) it is located 3 blocks from the lake, and c.) about 200 feet outside our door is a great park with play area, ball diamond, basketball court and walking trail, all just 10 minutes from Mankato. It has been pretty incredible trying to mentally and emotionally come to terms with moving from where Jim and I both grew up, where our family, our friends, our church and our homeschooling community are. However, it has been quite clear as the pieces have neatly fallen into place better than I could have hoped to imagine, that God is at work in this process. I recently told a friend that although my head is often spinning from trying to grasp and keep a handle on all that encompasses this move, I am grateful it is happening so quickly. It's sort of like ripping off a band-aid as opposed to trying to carefully pull it away, both hurt, but when you just get the separation over with, the recovery is shorter (at least that's my hope!). To be sure this will be a very painful move, but there is also some excitement mixed in to begin this new adventure the Lord has embarked us on.

Miss Elora continues to be the little firecracker of our home. Oh boy, is she two! :-) Elora adores her siblings and tries her very best to keep up with them, often fairly successfully. She is talking up a storm now and has begun doing a little singing as well. There is nothing more precious than her heartfelt rendition of Jesus Loves Me or I Love You Lord.

James played basketball again this year and he and I have advanced as far as green belt in Tae Kwon Do. We will be testing for second degree green belt this coming Monday and hope to find a place to continue in Minnesota. This is James' 5th grade year of school and aside from major upheaval to our schedule in the last month, he is doing well.

Gabbi keeps busy as well with friends, babysitting, reading, movies and working on her drawing skills. She always seems to be learning new techniques or methods. Copic markers and a Wacom Bamboo drawing tablet were added to her "tool kit" this past year and I am excited that she will have an opportunity to have half a day's worth of private lessons with her Copic markers before we move. Gabbi also was part of the homeschool production of Beauty and the Beast this fall. They all did a fabulous job! The other big thing in Gabbi's life is the loft bed that looks like a stable Jim built her this summer. Since the girls share a room, we wanted to give her a space all her own. She will have her own room in Minnesota and I think she's especially excited to have more than beneath a loft to make her own.

Jim began his new job on December 2nd. He travels to Mankato early Monday mornings and comes home Friday evening. He will do this for a total of three weeks, then have the week of Christmas off and we will move as a family on December 30th. He is enjoying the job very much so far. It's a much smaller dealership than what he's used to, but they are doing well and growing. This spring they will be breaking ground on a new facility out on the eastern edge of Mankato where all the shopping, restaurants and other development seem to be booming. Jim is excited for the opportunities he'll have at this dealership. I am excited about how much they really wanted Jim for the job and pursued him. I've been praying for a few years now that my husband would be appreciated by his employer and recognized for the abilities he brings to the table. This seems an answer to prayer.

Due to some staffing changes at the Rec Center (my part time job), in January I took on Co-Coordinating the child care room with a co-worker. I added an additional shift to the ones I was already working and enjoyed having a hand in the organization and function of the room and its employees. As the summer began to draw to a close however, I recognized that I would not be able to do both the job and homeschooling well, particularly as Gabbi would begin high school this fall. I agonized for several weeks over a way to make both work, but ultimately came to the conclusion that I wasn't willing to give less than my best in either area, so something would have to give. I ended my short-lived, but positive stint as a Co-Coordinator mid-September and returned to "regular" worker until resigning at the beginning of December. I've worked there for almost seven years, but for a little part time job it was really hard to leave!

In addition to the recent job stuff, we've also gone through some difficult things at our church. It's true that there is no perfect church and thank God for that because I certainly couldn't worship there! I had hoped the situation would be resolved differently than it was and was deeply disappointed when it didn't happen the way I hoped. Despite the pain of that experience, I am grateful for what I learned through it, both about myself and about others. God doesn't waste anything and I firmly believe there is always beauty that can rise from the ashes. I'm learning to cling to Christ and Him crucified, nothing more, nothing less.

Earlier this fall I was given the opportunity to be a spokesperson in promoting Mercy Hospital's Especially For You race and fund. It was a joy to "pay it forward" for this wonderful fund that makes breast care services available to those who cannot afford them. I was a beneficiary of the fund in 2008 when Jim lost his job in the floods and as a result of that mammogram, my cancer was caught early. I was thrilled to be a part of getting the word out about this great resource in our community. Additionally, it was my great honor to coordinate a team for the EFY race in memory of my sister-in-law, Lisa, who lost her battle with breast cancer last October. Our team was called Lisa's Legacy and her daughter, Hadley, designed the logo for our team shirts. I'm not sure exactly how I'll do it from MN, but I hope to continue our team each year for many to come. :-)

This has definitely been a year of stretching and growing. I decided at the beginning of 2013 to spend the year daily working to memorize the book of Ephesians. I had hoped to have all six chapters memorized by the end of the year. Several months in, I recognized that my brain is not as quick as my children's to memorize, so it will take me about two years. I also began to realize several months ago that I have not experienced the kind of spiritual growth in my life that I have over the last year in a long time, if ever. It has been a delight to discover new and deeper truths as I have recited and read the same verses day after day, instead of the monotony I thought I might feel. God's word changes you and as I get older and as I dig deeper, I get both more hungry and more satisfied. It's a beautiful place to be.

We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

A Calling Out, A Calling Up

There have been only a few times in my life I have been completely thrown for a loop.  I mean turned inside out and upside down.  I find myself in one of those times now.  We're moving.  That may not seem like a big deal to many people, but it is to us.  Particularly as I consider how it all came about...I know, that I know, God is moving us, moving in this circumstance, and moving in my life.

It's ironic really.  Just a few short weeks ago I was encouraging a friend who is also moving to be willing to stretch herself and allow others to be present at this time of transition in her life, rather than seclude herself (which is her natural 'bent').  Good advice...but now I find myself needing to take it and I never dreamed we'd be in this role reversal.  It's far easier just to put my head down, to dig in and muscle through this time.  It seems as though it would be less painful to do it that way.  Yet I know pain brings a great deal of beauty if you embrace it's power to transform rather than attempt to avoid or run from it.

On October 25th my husband lost his job.  Things hadn't been great there for awhile, but we had no idea this was coming.  Exactly one week later, he was interviewing for a position out-of-state due to a connection with a business colleague and friend.  He had done this in the past and my attitude was always, "See where it leads and how God leads."  That's much easier when it's just words.  A few days after the interview, Jim had a job offer.  It was a great offer, an excellent opportunity AND they really wanted him.  Now what?  We prayed, did our homework regarding the cost of a move and prayed some more.  A little more than a week after the offer came, Jim accepted the job.  Four days (yes, days) after he accepted the offer, we accepted an offer on our house and began the hunt for a home in Minnesota.  Five weeks to the day Jim lost his job, the offer we made on a home was accepted.  If someone had told me five weeks and one day prior to that all that would happen, I wouldn't have believed it.  

We will celebrate Christmas here in the home both Jim and I have known for all of our lives, then head off to where God is leading us.  Our family is here, our friends and spiritual family are here, our homeschooling support is here, familiar and "known" is here.  As painful as it will be to leave, I also find myself hopeful and excited about where God is leading.  It won't be easy, but I know the work my Father does is always for my good and I am always blessed by it.

So now I find myself in the uncomfortable position of asking for help in packing and preparing.  I find myself dreading the good-byes that have already begun and will continue to come.  However, I also feel full, content and blessed because I know this overwhelming pain is due to the abundant love we have experienced in this place.  I would much rather walk through this pain because we have been loved, than to avoid it by not having loved at all.

Part of My Story, But Not Who I Am...

On this last day of October and last day of Breast Cancer Awareness month in 2013, I thought I'd share some of the opportunities I had to promote a local fund that helps those that need breast care services and can't afford them.  I was a recipient of this fund in 2008.  It was largely the reason I even had my scheduled yearly mammogram and thus, in part, the reason my cancer was discovered so early.  This amazing and at times overwhelming fact is not lost on me...

You can read my personal Especially For You story here: http://www.especiallyforyourace.org/efy/about/race-stories/

Sharing this story ended up snowballing into several opportunities to talk about my experience and as a result promote not only this great fund, but also to encourage women to take care of themselves.  I was thrilled to be able to "pay it forward" and do my small part to raise awareness and hopefully help others!

I did a couple of radio interviews:
http://www.965kisscountry.com/media/podcast-katheryn-foxxs-interviews-Interviews/katheryn-foxx-interviews-lorissa-wendy-about-23652227/

A TV appearance:
http://www.especiallyforyourace.org/efy/fund/

A newspaper story:
http://thegazette.com/2013/10/06/cedar-rapids-breast-cancer-survivor-201/

And finally, I spoke at Mercy Hospital/Alliant Energy's Power of Pink lighting ceremony:

It was a privilege and an honor to share with others and, I hope, encourage perhaps just one person.

The above is the Survivor's Photo from the morning of the Especially For You race.  I didn't know anyone personally in the crowd (that I know of), but there is an unspoken bond of understanding amongst those who have fought or are fighting similar battles.

Catching Up

I've decided to try to carve out some time each week and return to blogging.  Though I should probably warn any readers that my posts may seem a little schizophrenic.  I began this journey needing very much to process all that was tumbling around in my heart and mind as I faced my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.  Since that time I have recognized in a fresh way that writing helps me to not only process things going on in my heart and mind, but it's a tremendous release as well.  Kind of like getting my creative ideas out in my college art projects, the feeling is one of both freedom and of vulnerability.

I say my posts may seem schizophrenic because a lot has happened since finishing treatment for breast cancer almost five years ago.  We added a dog to our family, our youngest daughter was born, our son was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome and ADHD and we realized our oldest daughter is mildly dyslexic and has trouble particularly with written language (as opposed to reading).  Additionally, I am continually amazed at what the Lord is teaching me through people, circumstances, etc.  So...my posts may run the gamut.  You have been warned. :-)

Elora Margaret Lisette was born on September 18th, 2011.  Infants/toddlers keep you very busy; I had forgotten!  She is a joy and delight.  She is also strong-willed and hilarious.  She has a special bond with her older sister, whom is her second mother, and she follows her big brother around, often copying his antics.  It has become quite apparent that our challenge in the coming years will be (indeed it already is!) to guide this strong little person to grow to understand that she is not the center of the universe.  In recent weeks her language has exploded and yet another dimension of her personality as well.  She is beginning to speak in phrases and short sentences more than words and one of my great and recent delights is hearing her attempt to sing "Jesus Loves Me".  When I consider our family without her, a critical piece is missing and I am again overcome in gratefulness for the part that my cancer diagnosis played in Elora being added to our family.

More to come soon, but I felt I had to begin with an update about an important and beautiful member of our family.

A New Chapter

A chapter ends and a new one begins. Most of the time I think the point where one ends and another begins is undetectable, perhaps until looking back from a later vantage point. Perhaps sometimes it isn't detectable because there isn't a definite ending or beginning, but more of a blending from one chapter into another.

Over the past months I have pondered many times when/whether I would pick up this blog again. I have had moments where I thought, "I need to find time to sit down and write about _______." Time. Something I learned to cherish more as I faced breast cancer and went through treatment. Once spent, time is something you can never get back. I want to use it well if I can (I too often don't succeed). It's largely due to this that I haven't written anything for awhile. It's not that I don't always have plenty to say, just ask my family, but I guess I have felt that unless I am really directed by God's Spirit, other things in my life are more pressing at the moment. Worse yet, I may be writing out of my flesh and with a selfish heart motive if I don't follow God's leading. And so here I am, writing about a new chapter in our lives after many months of silence. However, in order to write about the new, I need to revisit the old.

When I received the news of my breast cancer, and maybe even while I waited on the biopsy results, I went through a grieving period. I think many people who face difficult things that will alter their lives forever, grieve. Much of the grieving was over the physical changes to my body that would come with treatment. I'm not terribly caught up with how I look or wearing the latest styles, but I do think that every woman wants to look nice. I grieved over how I would look to my husband after my lumpectomy. I also grieved over the thought that we would not be able to have any more children. We had no plans to have more children, but I felt that this joy too had been taken from me and I was surprised to find myself very sad over it.

I had the initial consultation with my medical oncologist post-surgery and she went through every part of my recommended treatment including answering my questions and concerns. It was then I realized that we could still choose to have more children. My emotions went from saddness to confusion. So, do we want more children? Jim was still looking for work, due to the 2008 flood, and at our ages? Starting again with late night feedings and diapers? I just didn't know, but I knew that my feelings of deep saddness at the perceived loss of more children was real. A little time went by. I finished treatment and began my medication. Jim and I periodically talked about the possibility of more children. I prayed a lot that God would either remove the desire for more children from my heart or that He would make it clear that we should add to our family. In my mind 'clear' meant a good job for Jim as well as a stable life and finances. But God's ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Having all my "ducks in a row" leaves nothing open for faith and trust.

More than a year went by and that nagging desire was still there. Stability, not so much. I began to see that this continued desire was there for a reason, I needed to focus a whole lot less on the "facts" and more on faith. After more discussion and prayer, Jim and I decided I would go off my meds for 6 months and we would see what happened. With our other two children, it seemed the moment we began trying to have them I became pregnant. When several months went by and I didn't get pregnant I began to think maybe it wasn't going to happen. Over the course of that time I became more and more at peace with the possibility of our family being complete.

In December, I was talking to Jim about going back on my meds again in another month or so and feeling okay about that. In January, I realized my period was late. I didn't write down when I'd had it the previous month so I wasn't sure just how late. About mid January I mentioned to Jim that I thought I should have had my period by then. With raised eyebrows he said, "Really?" I said, I couldn't be sure, but that I'd wait another week and then get a pregnancy test. The week went by and I bought the test. I worried it would be positive. I worried I would be really sad if it was negative. I took the test and it was...positive?

I was happy, but also in shock a little. Okay really, I do know how this happened, but are you sure God? I'm going to be 40. I went in and told Jim. He was ecstatic. A week went by, I went to my doctor to confirm things and realized I needed to find an OB (our doctor no longer delivers babies). I didn't want to go to just anybody in the yellow pages, I wanted to ask women I knew who they liked and recommended, but that would obviously mean telling people. Gulp. We began with our children, parents and a few close friends all the while I was still processing the whole thing.

I am now about 12 weeks pregnant with our third child and due in September of this year. Slowly, I am getting excited too. We have had a couple of ultrasounds and everything looks good. I have begun replacing some of the baby things we'll need (We had sold nearly everything we had) and I will have two very good helpers when our youngest arrives this fall. A new chapter has begun.

One Year Ago Today...

One year ago today I met with my doctor to learn the results of my biopsy. One year ago today I began the journey of a breast cancer survivor. One year ago today I stumbled forward into the process of surrender to the Lord's plans for my life, no matter what they were.

I remember that day well. My thought process was a series of questions and statements that didn't necessarily connect one to the other. "What if I have cancer? Am I going to die? How will Jim manage to do everything? I can face this. God, what are you doing? How will we manage the medical expenses if I have cancer? The Lord has provided for us before in job loss, He will be faithful to us again. I'm going to trust."

I wasn't sure how I would react upon receiving the diagnosis. I had already reasoned that the news was likely not good. Afterall, if the biopsy showed good results wouldn't they just give me those over the phone? Instead I had received a call that Monday morning that my doctor wanted to see me at 1:00 to go over the results. I positive self-talked my way into thinking I would handle whatever the doctor had to say just fine. We would get through this just like we had gotten through so many other hard things. We would trust God through it. When my doctor gave Jim and I the news I wasn't prepared for the wave of emotion that washed over me. Surrender is not something you can resolve to do. It is a letting go, it is a washing of the Spirit over you.

Monday, September 29, 2008 was a very hard day, but in many ways it was a very good day. I again came to the end of myself and in so doing placed my life fully in the hands of my Creator, the Author of my life. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:13 -16 NIV)

I have continually looked back and thought over the journey in an effort not to forget. We are really quite flaky, easily growing complacent when things are going smoothly, at least I am. I don't like to dwell on the actual cancer and treatment. It even feels almost awkward when people ask me how I'm doing with an unspoken reference to my health. I want to say, "That's in the past, I'm moving forward." It's not the cancer that is important, it's what you do with it that is. While I hope that having cancer has changed me, I don't want it to define me. And so looking back over the emotion, the lessons, the faithfulness of God is what really matters to me, those things, not the cancer, are what I will take with me into eternity

Health Update - The Grace of God

A few people have asked me recently and so I thought I should post a brief update on how I am doing.

First, here's the timeline:
September 10, 2008 - Routine yearly mammogram
September 19, 2008 - Second mammogram
September 25, 2008 - Biospy
September 29, 2008 - Results of biopsy from my family doctor
October 7, 2008 - Meet with surgeon
October 16, 2008 - Surgery to remove tumor
October 23, 2008 - Follow up with surgeon
October 27, 2008 - Second surgery to remove more tissue
November 4, 2008 - Follow up with surgeon
November 7, 2008 - Meet with medical oncologist to discuss diagnosis and treatment
November 13, 2008 - Meet with radiation oncologist to discuss treatment
November 17, 2008 - Begin daily radiation treatments
December 31, 2008 - Complete daily radiation treatments
January 28, 2009 - Begin daily pill (Tamoxifen) to be taken for five years and also follow up with radiation oncologist

Wow, my head sort of spins looking over all that again! I am also once again awed by the grace of God that was given to me through that time.

I am feeling well and doing well. There have been no noticable side affects from the Tamoxifen, another thing for which to be thankful. I am scheduled to meet with my medical oncologist again at the end of April and I will have a mammogram in July. Other than that and a bit of soreness if I stretch my right arm just right, things have pretty much returned to "normal". However, even as I write that statement, I am hopeful that I haven't returned to where I was prior to my diagnosis. I hope that I am moving toward transformation into the image of Christ little by little, day by day.