I should have posted this sooner, but frankly, it didn't occur to me to do so. Last Tuesday, October 21st I received a call in the afternoon from the surgeon's office. His nurse explained to me she was just calling because the test results had come back. She went on to say the lymph nodes were clear, but that there was some tissue on the margin and the doctor wanted to talk to me about that at my appointment on Thursday.
In the interest of making sense of my thought process, I should probably mention that my mother had a second surgery on her hip in August. Part of her surgery included taking a tissue sample from the area to determine if there was any infection. It was explained to us by her surgeon that a pathologist would look at the white cell count in that tissue sample. Up to a certain number of white cells was good, within another range of numbers was a gray area, or possible infection, and above that range of numbers was not good. If the cell count had been above that number a heavy duty round of antibiotics as well as a complete removal of the previously replaced joint would have been necessary.
Now fast forward back to my phone call. In my mind I heard - the lymph nodes are technically clear of cancer, but they are right on the margin of not being clear. The doctor will talk to you about how we'll need to proceed with treatment in two days...a.k.a. an eternity.
A rational person, thinking clearly would have said, "Wait a minute, what does that mean? Explain what you just said to me." Therein lies the problem. I have a pretty good imagination and times like this do not necessarily make that an asset. Rather than ask questions, my emotions and mind took over. What I did do right, as my mind imagined it necessary to remove some lymph nodes and/or receive chemotherapy, is I cried out to God and I asked several close friends and family for prayer.
By Thursday's appointment I had again surrendered to God's plan, whatever that was. I don't remember exactly what I said to her, but the nurse explained in greater detail - or at least I understood it this time - that my lymph nodes were in fact completely clear of cancer. The margin she had mentioned related to the tumor and surrounding tissue taken from the breast. They like to have a minimum of 2mm of space (or margin) between the cancerous tissue and the edge. There was one spot as they tested that tissue that the margin was 1mm. My surgeon then explained that there were two ways to move forward:
1. Do nothing and let radiation therapy finish killing any cancerous tissue that may have been left behind.
2. Another surgery which would open up the same area and he would remove a little more tissue from that spot. No injection of dye to look at lymph nodes or guide wire needed this time. A period of healing and radiation therapy would follow this second surgery as well.
He asked my feelings on which step to take and I responded that I didn't feel terribly equipped or educated to make that call, but I was comfortable with whatever he and my radiation oncologist thought was in my best interests. He then went to consult over the phone with my radiation oncologist and returned stating she wanted to remove a little more tissue.
Honestly, I didn't particularly care either way. I was so joyful that none of my fears (Isn't that usually the way it goes?) were my reality. While I wasn't thrilled to endure the discomfort of healing again, I was also very aware of the blessings involved in my diagnosis. I did take the opportunity to ask my surgeon before things got underway yesterday whether this one was on him...with a smile of course. :-) I'm not upset with how things went. People do their very best and sometimes that isn't quite enough. In my case, there was another chance to 'finish the job'.
Today I am trying to recover. Although I was told it would be easier, I am finding that at least initially it is not. I have felt nauseous and a bit more weak this time. The sight of the surgery was a little more painful yesterday too, but today seems to be better. I will go back to see the surgeon next Tuesday for follow up, but for now I plan to take it easy and consider my blessings.
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