How God Sees Me ( a break from breast cancer )

The carousel was full of brightly colored animals of all kinds. Our daughter quickly chose a horse on the inner circle with its mane flowing majestically behind it. As the carousel began to turn and her horse slowly lept into the air, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirrors that surrounded the center. I watched as she smiled at herself, shyly at first, and then with a huge ear-to-ear grin. The familiar carousel tune played and she delightfully gazed at herself, enjoying the ride, almost as if she were sharing it with her friend in the mirror.

I'm not sure if our daughter's reaction to herself in the mirror would be the same now. I wrote the above paragraph for an article three years ago, but I certainly hope she would still smile at her reflection. Have you ever noticed how much little kids enjoy seeing themselves in the mirror? It makes me smile just thinking about it.

When and why exactly do we lose that I wonder? Is it when that kid in the school yard calls us a name? Is it when our parents speak harshly to us making us feel small? I'm sure this ending of the love affair we have with ourselves can't be linked to just one event, but rather erodes away over time and experience. While I do think it's important to learn humility and certainly to learn my position before a Holy God, I'm not sure it's such a great thing overall - this becoming so aware of personal "faults".

Too often my assessment of my faults is really a comparison of myself to others or a comparison of myself to what society around me seems to hold up as valuable. He said to them, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight." Luke 16:15. Wow, that sort of hits me. The interesting part is I have this feeling that although God certainly knows my faults and failings intimately, He (unlike me) doesn't dwell on those things.

The Bible tells me that I am made in His image. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Genesis 1:31a. God calls me very good.

I also wonder would God have gone to the trouble and heartache to send His own Son to die a terrible death on a cross if He didn't think me worth saving. As I look at my role of parent and how I feel about my kids I can learn something about God here too. Although it is a very inadequate picture of my relationship with God, I do think He gave us family, in part, to demonstrate His great love for us. I know I would do anything to save my children, even give my own life if necessary as Christ gave His for mine.

As my Father in Heaven is aware of my faults, so too am I aware of my children's. They have areas we need to and are working on in their character development. Do I love them any less for that? Absolutely not! If anything, I want to help them improve, learn and grow in those areas. What a joy it is when they master something that had previously been a struggle. How proud I am when they care for another and put the desires of someone else above their own. When I think of my children or describe them to someone else, it's not their shortfalls I mention. I talk about how my daughter loves animals, music and art and is sensitive and caring of others. I talk about how my son has a sunny happy-go-lucky personality, loves to be the center of attention and has never met anyone who isn't his friend. These are the things that God has placed within them; it is who they are in His image. The rest will come as they learn to trust Him along the way, just as I am learning who I am in Him and little by little turning areas of struggle over to Him for character development.

I know all these things to be true. It's the putting them into practice that can be difficult. When I gaze into a mirror I see the circles under my eyes and the extra pounds I need to lose. Lord, help me to remember - Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30.