I'll Be Found in You, Still Standing

I took myself off the pain killers yesterday afternoon and substituted Ibuprophen, at least during the day. I'm still getting along quite comfortably for the most part, but now I can hold a conversation and easily remember what was said ten minutes ago. I'm also far less tired. I did call the surgeon's office to okay this decision today and was given their blessing, but truth be told, I probably would have continued without their blessing.

I received a call from the surgeon's office again this afternoon. The nurse told me that the tests had come back and shown the lymph nodes to be clear of cancer. Great news!! But just as I was preparing to celebrate she also said, the numbers where right on the line though, so he wants to discuss that with you when you come in Thursday to see him. I sat there processing what that could possibly mean and should have said, "Well, what does that mean?" Most of the time it is a serious effort to keep my tongue from moving much faster than my brain, why can't this information that comes with my cancer be one of those times it's actually helpful for my tongue to keep moving?! Instead, it seems to be tied up or in slow motion.

I haven't decided whether I'll call back tomorrow or just wait until Thursday's appointment. This would drive one of my friend's crazy. She would have said, "I'll be right down to get a copy of that report", so she could do her own research before Thursday's appointment. I'll probably be hearing from her! :-) I feel sort of stuck between wanting to know everything I can to make the best decision and wanting to just waiting to see how it all turns out. I take comfort in the fact that my Father knows exactly how things will turn out and it will happen according to His plan and purpose, but I also know that my desire to "hide" from it all does nothing to exercise my faith either. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue turning to Him when there's a new "development", good or bad.

There's a line to a song that goes - "When the world is falling out from under me. I'll be found in You, still standing..." I don't remember who sings it or what it's called, but I find myself in the lyrics of many songs it seems lately. It's in these moments of wondering and uncertainty that my faith is stretched even further and I cling to my Lord and Savior. It's because of Him that I can be found still standing.